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NEW! Couples Intimacy Quiz

The 15 Essential Signs Your Marriage Is Over Quiz: Is It Time to Move On? 

Take the 'Is My Marriage Is Over Quiz' Here

As a couples therapist with nearly a decade of experience, I’ve come to believe that there’s only truly one way to know when a marriage is over, and that’s when you sign the divorce documents. 

If you're asking yourself, 'Is my marriage over?', or feeling that you're unhappy in your marriage, read on! I’ve worked with hundreds of couples who may have thought their relationship or marriage was over, only to see that many of them find ways to work through their difficulties and remain together. 

If you're concerned about this really important aspect of your life, you can take our free "is my marriage over" quiz and it will tell you what the red flags are- but it will also tell you the areas of your relationship that can be worked on if you're interested in working things out with your current partner or just to know more about potential blindspots in future relationships.

- Communication

- Affection and Intimacy

- Resoluton of Conflict

- Equilibrium: balance and influence.

- Crisis Indicators

I Want To Take The Quiz

Signs Your Marriage Is Over: A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist's Take

I'm Oliver - welcome to My People Patterns! I've been a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles for nearly a decade, and I love helping people grow great relationships. I started this site to share some of the tools, tips, tricks and techniques I teach people in my private practice with more people who want to improve their connection with the people they love. 

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What Are The Signs Your Marriage Is Over Or Ending?

There are a few very solid signs your marriage is over, that are, for most people quite definitive: 

  • When one partner has already started another family, got married.

  • If legal proceedings have begun and are nearly complete

  • There are occasionally severe cases involving criminal behavior or abuse

  • And when one partner has completely detached emotionally and begun a new life with kids.

That being said, there are many divorce predictors, and there is plenty of research that shows us what is likely to cause a marriage to end or a relationship to fall apart While it may look like it's ending, what I tell people in my private practice is this: ultimately a relationship is only truly over when you (potentially both of you) say so.

I created this quiz to try to help your partner identify not only the signs your marriage is over, but also what areas of your relationship need the most work. If you're both willing to invest in changing these areas, then your marriage isn't necessarily over.

Signs Your Marriage Is Over: From Recently Divorced People.

There are divorce statistics in many industrialized countries as high as 40% to 50%.

Court papers will just identify that the most commonly cited cause is irreconcilable differences, which doesn't give us much information.

Our - signs your marriage is over was inspired by a study in 2019 surveyed 2300 recent divorcees and analyzed their understanding of why their relationships ended.

Signs Your Marriage Is Over #1:  A Lack Of Intimacy: 

I find that one of the most heartbreaking indicators of a relationship in trouble is the fading of love and intimacy. It's not always about dramatic arguments or betrayals, and certainly not just about physical attraction– sometimes, it's the quiet absence of connection that speaks the loudest.

  • A massive 47% of people in this study describe this experience as a gradual emptying like air slowly leaking from a balloon. As one divorced individual shared, 

"After twenty years together, when I first realized the love had quietly slipped away, leaving only routine in its place."

Signs A Marriage Is Over #2: Poor Communication 

When couples stop truly talking to each other, it's often a red flag that the marriage is in serious trouble.

This goes beyond just daily small talk about groceries or schedules. Real communication – the kind that builds and maintains intimate relationships – involves sharing not just the good, but fears, dreams, and vulnerabilities with someone you love.

  • 44% of couples report that their conversations become increasingly superficial before stopping altogether. 

"We could talk for hours about practical matters," someone reflected, "but we'd lost the ability to share what was really in our hearts."

Signs A Marriage Is Over #3: An Erosion of Trust

Like a foundation crumbling beneath a house, when respect and trust begin to fade, the entire marriage becomes unstable. 34 % of people surveyed reported themes that reflect this erosion which can manifest in various ways. Infidelity is certainly the best known way trust is broken, but sex is not the be all and end all:

  • Rolling your eyes at your partner's opinions

  • Feeling embarrassed by their behavior

  • No longer believing in their word

  • Keeping secrets from each other

These subtle signs often precede more obvious problems. As one individual noted, 

"The moment I realized I no longer trusted his judgment on even small matters, I knew something fundamental had shifted in our relationship."

Signs Your Marriage Is Over #4:  Growing Out Of Love

Sometimes, marriages end not with a bang but with the quiet realization that two people who once shared the same path have wandered onto different roads. This natural evolution isn't always anyone's fault – people change, dreams shift, and what once seemed like perfect alignment becomes a notable mismatch.

32 % of those surveyed reported that this was a significant reason for their relationship failing.

  • Developing different values or beliefs from their partner.

  • No longer enjoying the same activities or loss of quality time.

  • Having conflicting visions for the future, a lack of hope or other loss.

  • Finding fewer topics to discuss together

A 'Bad' Marriage Is Not Necessarily One That Can't Be Saved.

It's easy to jump to the idea that your marriage or relationship is over, so one of the reasons we created the 'signs your marriage is over quiz' is to highlight areas the idea that it's not your marriage breaking down as an entity, it's more likely that parts of your relationship are needing more attention, skills and tools.

When you answer the questions in our quiz, we focus on five areas that really matter in relationships and our romantic lives. Your answers will highlight what areas you and your partner struggle with the most, and will give you a sense of direction and where you can spend your attention on improving should you wish.

Is Your Marriage Over Quiz

15 Signs Your Marriage Is Over - And How Bad They Are.

When hurting each other becomes a habit

Relationships and love should never feel like a battlefield. Physical and emotional violence are unacceptable.

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No Respect, No Relationship

Respect is the bare minimum, not a bonus: when you and your partner don't respect each other or are locked in blame.

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No Compromise, No Connection

When every conversation turns into a battle, when there's no compromise or willingness to hear each other out.

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When The Math of Love Isn’t Adding Up

When you add up the pro's and con's of staying or leaving, and the con's far outweigh the pro's, it might be a sign it's over.

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From Caring to Cold

When love turns into coexistence, there's a problem - warm caring feelings have turned into a lack of feeling of anything towards your partner.

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When You Can’t Fix What They Won’t Face

When your partner has a serious addiction they refuse to treat, there's comes a time when you have to realize you can't fix what they won't face. 

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Separate Lives Under the Same Roof

This is more than the 'roommate' phase, but speaks to when either partner lives a life completely separate for their partner.  

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When Conversations Are Just Another Chore

A significant lack of emotional engagement, sharing feelings, fears and fantasies is often a sign that a marriage is struggling and needs help.

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Home Feels Like the Hardest Place to Be

When your job starts to feel more like a vacation than your home does, something is off balance and needs to be addressed.

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Betrayal Without Remorse

Marriages can absolutely survive infidelity, but when there's a betrayal and lack of reconciliation or remorse, then there's a significant issue. 

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The Bed is Empty, So is the Relationship

Sexual intimacy and emotional closeness can be worked on in therapy, but a lack of desire to address this from both partners is an issue in itself.

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When Your Wins Don’t Matter Anymore

This is more than the 'roommate' phase, but speaks to when either partner lives a life completely separate for their partner.  

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Your Dreams Don’t Include Them

If the only future you see is one in which you are not with your partner, there's an issue. However it's ok to want some time alone and space.

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When ‘We’ Decisions Become ‘Me’ Decisions

When decisions that affect both of you are made without discussion or agreement, it's a sign that there's hostility or lack of connection.

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Sharing With Others More Than Each Other

Marriages can absolutely survive infidelity, but when there's a betrayal and lack of reconciliation or remorse, then there's a significant issue. 

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The Heart of Connection: Communication Patterns

Any relationship is prone to break downs in communication.

When one partner resorts to the silent treatment, for example, it can be a red flag. John Gottman's studies found that it's a primary predictor of divorce - but it's still not a definite sign your marriage is over. It means that one partner needs skills and tools around conflict, anger, and resolution.

Communication is also the key to intimacy, and many couples struggle with expressing their feelings, letting fear and pain prevent meaningful conversation. What matters isn't just how much you talk but whether you can share your hopes, future plans, and little things that bring happiness in your life. When partners become more like friends than romantic interests or just can't even maintain a friendship anymore, it's time to focus on rebuilding that essential connection.

How you answer these questions in the quiz will highlight if you need to work on being more direct, expressing feelings or developing emotional communication with your partner.

Emotional Bridges: The Path to Intimacy

Many couples experience periods where emotional connection feels distant or strained. When spouses begin feeling more like roommates than life partners, it might indicate relationship troubles - but it's not necessarily a sign your marriage is over. This emotional drift could simply mean you need tools for rebuilding intimacy and connection.

While it's common for relationships to go through phases where you rarely feel as close as you'd like, persistent emotional distance might suggest deeper issues that need addressing. Partners might spend time in the same house but live separate lives, each wrapped in their own world. This could indicate a need for reconnection strategies, but it doesn't automatically mean your relationship is failing.

The distinction between a temporary rough patch and serious trouble often lies in how couples handle this emotional drift. When one spouse shows no interest in rebuilding intimacy, or when partners can't embrace vulnerability anymore, it might suggest you need support in rebuilding emotional safety. With the right tools and guidance, many couples can bridge these emotional gaps.

Your answers to these questions will reveal whether you need to focus on building emotional safety, developing vulnerability skills, or learning new ways to maintain connection despite busy lives.

Balance of Power: Finding Equilibrium

Issues around money, family responsibilities, and decision-making power can make significant strain in any marriage. When one partner consistently makes decisions without considering the other's interests, especially regarding finances or parenting, it might indicate an unhealthy power dynamic - but this can be addressed with the right approach.

Finding acceptance both partners to share responsibility and show respect for each other's contributions to their shared life. An imbalance in these areas could suggest a need for better negotiation skills or clearer agreements about roles and responsibilities.

The key isn't finding perfect equality but rather ensuring both partners feel valued and heard. When this equilibrium is missing, it might be one factor that gradually erodes your relationship's foundation. However, with proper support and new tools for sharing power, couples can establish patterns that support both partners' needs.

The way you answer these quiz questions will highlight whether you need to work on establishing clearer boundaries, developing better negotiation skills, or creating more balanced decision-making processes.

Conflict and Resolution: The Path Forward

When couples can't resolve differences or find peace anymore, it might indicate a need for new communication strategies and conflict resolution skills. The presence of conflict isn't always a death sentence for your relationship - it's how you handle these moments that matter most.

Even severe breakdowns can be addressed with proper support and techniques. Many couples find that learning specific conflict resolution tools can transform their ability to handle disagreements productively -these include ways to find a middle ground, but also ways to listen to your spouse.

Your answers in this section will reveal whether you need to develop better conflict resolution strategies, learn de-escalation techniques, or work on emotional regulation during disagreements. new strategies on how to communicate and conflict resolution skills. Disagreements are not something to be avoided with your partner - it's how you handle these moments that matter most.

Warning Signs: Time for Self-Reflection

Sometimes, our "signs your marriage is over quiz" can reveal painful truths about your partner and family.

If you find yourself wondering whether it's worth the effort or if there's any hope for you and your partner to find happiness again, consider these critical indicators:

  • How much you enjoy spending time together (or if you even have quality time)

  • Whether you can still talk about future plans and if you have shared interests.

  • If you've become more friends than romantic partners

  • How you handle financial decisions, discussing money and kids.

  • Whether you still feel an emotional connection

How do you know when your marriage is over test?

Before you decide your marriage is over, take our quiz, or at least find the time for honest self-reflection and discuss things with a friend or therapist. Consider whether you're just going through a rough patch or facing differences that are utterly irreconcilable. Sometimes, what feels like the end might actually be an opportunity to create a stronger, more resilient partnership, albeit with effort and a bit of a struggle. With proper support, many couples find their way back to each other, even when things seem at their worse.

Common Myths That It's Over

I Keep Thinking About Leaving

There are many reasons why a person thinks about leaving a relationship, and it could well be because that relationship is over. It also could just be a way of escaping really uncomfortable feelings that are generated while thinking about you current situation and your spouse.

Instead of viewing this as a sign of impending divorce, consider it a natural "flight" response to stress. Just as any normal person might want to leave a long line at the DMV, thoughts of escape during difficult times don't always mean that your relationship is over.

I Just Dont Feel Connected / I’m Feeling Disconnected

Emotional disconnection in a a relationship doesn’t feel great - perhaps it feels like you’re just roommates or maybe you just feel like the spark has gone between you and your spouse.

Relationships exists on multiple levels: the practical day-to-day ways you spend time together and the deeper spiritual connection of love and intimacy. If you're feeling disconnected, it might simply mean you're focusing too much on the mundane aspects or the particular struggle you're having and need to reconnect on a deeper level.

Our hope with this quiz is that you and your partner can find one thing to work on, either in therapy or through a course and it's enough to make a small difference.

We Don’t Communicate

It's worth noting that men and women often communicate differently. Not every couple needs to share every thought and feeling to have a healthy connection. Sometimes, quiet understanding and respectful listening are more valuable than constant verbal expression.