My 'Go To' Communication Activities For Couples
10x Your Relationship With These Effective Communication Activities
Communication is the cornerstone of all relationships, especially romantic ones. Yet, we are not taught the tools we need to navigate relationships in high school or anywhere else.
I've been a couples therapist for nearly a decade, and I'd say 90% of the couples I work with identify communication issues as one of the relationship problems they want to work on with me in treatment. Communication is the key to resolving a relationship struggle, without these skills, poor communcation can lead to even more misunderstandings, conflict, and emotional distance.
The good news is that the skills you need to enhance communication skills and strengthen a relationship are all easy to learn and understand. The tricky part is sometimes just remembering to use them.
This page is designed to equip you with some great communication exercises and techniques to help you and your partner navigate challenges, improve relationship well being and deepen your connection.
If you want to download a free PDF of some of the ways I help people in my practice, click here Couples Communication Activities I have available, click here!
For more communication exercises and worksheets for couples, get the 7-Day Relationship Workbook for free!
My Top Mental Health & Couples Therapy Communication Skills
Before we get into my top communication exercises for couples, we have to first of all get the foundations down and learn the core skills of how you and your partner speak and listen to each other. Remember that good communication tools include both listening and sharing your own feelings with each other.
Active Listening Exercises: Overcoming Communication Barriers
Active or compassionate listening is one both a skill and one of those communication exercises we've all heard about, and that's because it's just a vital part of any healthy relationship.
Active Listening skills help you engage profoundly with the speaker's message and encourage you pay close attention to their words. This approach places a greater emphasis on listening rather than speaking.
The objective of active listening is to gain a true and thorough understanding when your partner speaks, to really understand their perspective, even if it differs from your own. It's important to then communicate this understanding back to the speaker, allowing them to validate your interpretation's accuracy.
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Be fully present. Set aside your phone and any other distractions, and give them your undivided attention.
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Use non verbal cues. Nod, maintain eye contact, and use affirmations like "I see" or "Go on" to show you’re engaged."
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Validate their emotions. Even if you disagree, acknowledge their feelings: "I can see why you’d feel that way given the situation.f
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Don’t interrupt or finish their thoughts. Let them share fully, at their pace. It’s their story to tell.
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Avoid jumping to conclusions. If you’re not sure what they mean, ask questions instead of assuming. Stay curious.
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Stop planning your response while they’re still talking. Tune in to what they’re saying—really listen instead of rehearsing your lines.
Active listening is a fully engaged way of concentrating fully on what your partner is saying to you in the present moment. It requires observing and setting aside our thoughts, feelings ideas, opinions, and beliefs to focus solely on the speaker. It involves listening to their words with an open mind, free from judgment. It’s exhausting
As a marriage counselor, I find that most people listen to respond rather than listening to understand. Listening To Lectures (or responding) is a toxic communication pattern that will undoubtedly add to any issues. If you're preparing your response internally while half-heartedly listening, you're not fully engaged with what's being communicated, and in a way, you’re not really listening.
For more communication exercises and worksheets for couples, get the 7-Day Relationship Workbook for free!
Communication Exercises For Couples
The Appreciation Game
This is number one on my list as a marriage and family therapist, because it's Thanksgiving as I write this, and I just ran through a version of this in couples therapy with a couple I've been working with for a while. It left both of them all loved-up, holding hands and smiling, and I have to confess, I was glowing too. Definitely one of my favorite communication exercises in counseling.
This is a simple but ridiculously powerful communication exercise that helps couples develop and cultivate gratitude and positive feelings toward each other.
In this activity, partners take turns expressing appreciation for specific qualities, actions, or traits of their significant other, just like you might do around the thanksgiving dinner table. But why must we only do this once a year (or in couples therapy?!)
Romantic relationships are boosted all around when gratitude is shared more freely,so gratitude exercises like this help create a strong and healthy relationship. We are also getting a deeper understanding, thanks to positive psychology, that gratitude unconsciously creates a reciprocal dynamic in our brains. When someone is kind or compassionate to us, and whether we know it or not, we not only improve communication when we do this, but we also start an upward spiral in
So remember to maintain eye-to-eye connection when you do this, and just take turns sharing positive statements and gratitude with each other.
Positive Language Activities: An Alternative #1.5
Sharing gratitude does require you to communicate effectively, but if you're looking for communication exercises that are more structured but still along these lines, try this one. Remember to put your own feelings into words, practice active listening and watch your body language.
Make eye contact with your partner and ...
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Share one thing you like about, appreciate about or are just thankful about with regards to your partner.
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Give your partner a compliment related to any changes you've spotted around healthy communication, conflict resolution, or anything related to your romantic relationship.
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Share what attracted you to your partner.
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Share what you admire about them today.
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Tell your partner your most favorite memory with them, the more unusual the better.
Communication Exercises For Couples #2:
Active Listening Exercises:
This is one of the most crucial communication skills in a marriage or relationship that is not only valuable in everyday interactions but also plays a significant role in any clinical setting, with families, couples, and even individuals. It builds empathy and connection as well as being a vital and effective way to build up communication.
Instructions
In the first round, this exercise involves both parties taking turns engaging in ‘inactive’ listening. Yep, you'll lean into any communication problems you might be having and make a concerted effort to use poor communication skills.
- Note there are two rounds of this activity!
- One partner (A) is the speaker, the other partner listens
- One partner (B) is the listener.
- Set the timer for two or three minutes and up to five minutes.
- After the timer has sounded, swap roles, and B becomes the speaker, and A becomes the listener.
ROUND ONE:
SPEAKER (A) INSTRUCTIONS
YOU’RE THE SPEAKER IN THE FIRST ROUND OF ‘INACTIVE LISTENING’. THINK OF A MOVIE, SONG, BOOK OR PLAY THAT YOU’VE SEEN RECENTLY THAT YOUR PARTNER MIGHT NOT HAVE SEEN.
BE PREPARED TO TALK ABOUT THIS PASSIONATELY TO CONVINCE THEM THEY REALLY SHOULD SEE IT HEAR IT ETC. WORK HARD TO CONVEY TO THEM HOW YOU FELT AND WHY IT’S IMPORTANT TO YOU.
LISTENER (B) INSTRUCTIONS:
YOU’RE THE LISTENER IN THE FIRST ROUND OF ‘INACTIVE LISTENING. THIS EXERCISE INVOLVES YOU DOING EVERYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF TO NOT LISTEN TO WHAT YOUR PARTNER IS SAYING.
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT:
- WHERE DO YOU LOOK? (AWAY FROM THEM OR AT THEM?)
- HOW IS YOUR BODY LANGUAGE?
- WHAT IS IN YOUR HANDS? (A PHONE? BOOK?)
- ARE YOU STILL OR RESTLESS?
ROUND TWO:
SPEAKER (A) INSTRUCTIONS
YOU’RE THE SPEAKER IN THE SECOND ROUND OF ‘ACTIVELY LISTENING’. THINK OF SOMETHING YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT, THAT HOBBY YOU LOVE, THE SPORT YOU LOVE TO PLAY OR THE CHARITABLE CAUSE THAT MOVES YOU SO MUCH.
SHARE WITH YOUR PARTNER WHAT IT IS THAT GETS YOU SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS HOBBY OR SPORT etc. CONVEY TO THEM WHY IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU AND WHY YOU LOVE IT.
LISTENER (B) INSTRUCTIONS
YOU’RE THE LISTENER IN THE SECOND ROUND. IMAGINE THERE IS AN EXAM ON THE SUBJECT YOUR PARTNER IS TALKING ABOUT. PRETEND THAT THIS EXAM IS GOING TO DETERMINE HOW MUCH OF A PAY RAISE YOU’RE GOING TO GET AT WORK.
IT’S THAT IMPORTANT!!
FOCUSING ON MAKING SURE TO REMEMBER THE DETAILS OF WHAT THEY SAY AND FOCUS ON RETAINING AS MUCH INFORMATION AS YOU CAN. REMEMBER TO SHOW THAT YOU ARE PAYING ATTENTION WITH EYE CONTACT AND BODY LANGUAGE
Experiential relationship communication exercises such as this often carry more weight and impact when you reserve time to process your reactions. My ‘go-to’ questions in couples therapy are :
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What did you notice? - both in your self and your partner.
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What did you feel? - use your 'I' statements
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What were your associations? - memories, recollections, thoughts
Communication Activities For Couples #3:
The Couples Timeline
This is one of the more meaningful communication exercises for couples to reflect on your relationship journey and life together, while also practicing your communication skills as you share.
Step 1: Draw Your Individual Timelines
Each of you will take a long piece of paper and draw a straight line across it. On the left side, write the date you first met, and on the right side, mark today’s date. This line represents your journey together, from the beginning until now.
Step 2: Mark Your Key Events
Think about your journey and mark your top five key positive events on the timeline. These could be anything significant to you, like your first date, first kiss, engagement, special vacation, or any memorable moment. Be specific about what made each event special.
Step 3: Mark Your Turning Points
Now, mark your top five turning points—times when your relationship took a meaningful turn. These can be positive or challenging. It could be a big fight that helped you understand each other better, deciding to move in together, or a moment that redefined your relationship. These moments are when the relationship changed direction or deepened.
Step 4: Identify Your Moments of Personal Growth
Next, mark five moments when you experienced personal growth within the relationship. These are times when you felt you changed for the better because of your partner or the relationship. Perhaps you learned to be more vulnerable, became better at expressing your needs, or grew more comfortable with compromise. These are about your individual growth—how being in this relationship has shaped you.
Step 5: Mark the Challenging Moments
Now, mark the five most challenging moments you’ve faced together. These could be times of conflict, distance, misunderstandings, or loss. Every relationship has difficult times, and acknowledging them is part of recognizing your shared story.
Step 6: Share and Create a New Timeline Together
Once you’ve both completed your timelines, come together and share what you’ve written. Take turns explaining why each event was meaningful to you, how you felt during those turning points, and how you grew from the challenges.
As you share, create a new, shared timeline together on a fresh piece of paper. For the positive events and turning points, write them down on your shared timeline. When you reach the challenging moments, instead of writing down the challenge itself, write what you learned or how you grew from that experience.
For example, instead of writing "the time we had a big fight," write "we learned how to communicate our needs more openly." This way, you’re turning those difficult times into markers of growth and resilience.
Step 7: Reflect on Your Shared Journey
Once your shared timeline is complete, take a moment to look at it together. Notice the commonalities and differences—what moments did you both mark as important?
Were there surprises, like moments that were significant to one but not the other? Talk about what you see and what it means to each of you. This is an opportunity to connect over the journey you’ve been on together.
Step 8: Celebrate Your Growth
To finish, celebrate your journey and growth. Choose a few moments from your new timeline to honor or celebrate together. This could be through a meaningful conversation, a small gesture, or simply acknowledging how far you’ve come.
This activity is about seeing your relationship as a journey—full of wonderful moments, challenges, and growth. By creating a shared timeline, you’re honoring both the past and the strength you’ve built as a couple.
Communication Exercises For Couples #4:
Date Night Fantasy Vacation Activity
This activity is all about creativity, teamwork, and a bit of adventure—all from the comfort of home!
Step 1: Dream Big
Each of you takes five or six post-it notes and writes down countries or places you really want to visit. The more obscure or unexpected, the better! Think of places that excite you, whether it’s a small town in Italy, a remote island, or a bustling city you’ve always been curious about. Be sure to keep these places a secret from your partner.
Step 2: The Jar of Adventure
Fold up each of your post-it notes and put them all into a mug or jar. This jar now holds your shared potential adventures! Don’t reveal what you’ve written—keep it a surprise for now.
Step 3: Plan Your Next Date Night
Sit down together and decide when your next date night will be. This step is all about using your communication skills—finding a time that works for both of you and agreeing on the details. Once you’ve decided, it’s time to add a twist.
Step 4: Pick a Destination
Pull one post-it note from the jar—this is going to be the theme for your date night! Whatever place you choose, it will be the inspiration for the night’s cuisine and atmosphere.
Step 5: Create the Feast Together
Together, plan and cook a meal inspired by the destination you picked. If you pulled "Greece," maybe you’ll cook a Greek mezze. If it’s "Japan," perhaps sushi or ramen is on the menu. This is where teamwork comes in—brainstorm ideas, do some research together, and make it fun!
If one of you isn’t confident in the kitchen, get creative about how you’ll contribute. Maybe you take charge of setting up the atmosphere—finding music from that country, decorating, or planning a fun activity. The goal is to work together, each contributing something to make the night special.
Step 6: Enjoy Your Adventure at Home
Finally, enjoy your travel-themed date night! Use this as an opportunity to connect, have fun, and enjoy each other’s company while imagining yourselves on a faraway adventure. The whole activity encourages collaboration, creativity, and the joy of shared experiences.
By planning, cooking, and creating together, you’re not only building a memorable evening but also building trust, practicing essential communication skills in a playful, and light-hearted way.
Communication Exercises For Couples #5:
Date Night Song Share Activity
This activity quite an intimate one that involves sharing music with each other to help couples deepen their emotional connection and practice active listening, sharing feelings through the universal language of music.
Setup
- Set aside 60-90 minutes in a comfortable, private space, Spotify or apple music and speakers
- Each partner should prepare 5 songs from the following prompts and add them to the same playlist.
- Have a way to play music readily available
Song Selection Prompts
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- A song that secretly reminds you of your partner
- A song that captures a childhood summer memory
- A song that connects you to your family heritage
- A song you turn to when feeling vulnerable
- A song that represents a dream or aspiration
- A song that helped you through a difficult time
- A song that makes you feel completely yourself
- A song that reminds you of your first year together
- A song that represents a value important to you
- A song that expresses something you find hard to say in words
- A song that reminds you of a moment you felt proud
- A song that captures how you feel about your future together
- A song that reminds you of your closest friendship
- A song that represents a turning point in your life
- A song that makes you feel brave (your fight song!)
1. Musical Share
- Partner A plays 90 seconds of their chosen song, both of you listen and note feelings, thoughts and reactions.
- Partner B guesses which prompt the song relates to.
- Partner A reveals if the guess was correct.
2. Emotional Exploration
- Partner A shares
- Why they chose this song
- What memories or feelings it evokes
- How it connects to the prompt
- What they hope their partner understands about them through this song
- Partner B shares:
- What feelings arose while listening
- What they learned about their partner
- How this new understanding affects their connection
- Any similar experiences or feelings that came up
- What surprised you about your partner's choices?
- Which songs helped you understand your partner better?
- What new aspects of each other did you discover?
- How can you incorporate music sharing into your relationship?
Download The Couples Communication Activities PDF here
Get The Activities Here
