Weekly Relationship Check In Questions: A Secret To Success?

We often make the grave mistake of considering love as a fairytale relationship, where once you find 'the one', everything automatically falls into place. This couldn't be further from the truth. Maintaining a healthy, robust romantic relationship with deep emotional intimacy requires work and the determination to address potential issues before they become too big.

One excellent method to keep the connection in a relationship going strong is to conduct regular and hopefully weekly marriage meetings and ask each other the check-in questions that might otherwise be missed.

Weekly Check-Ins: A Lifeboat For Love

John Gottman, a renowned relationship therapist and founder of the Gottman Institute, firmly believes that regular relationship check-ins act as a lifeline, preserving relationships from the brink of falling apart.

There's research showing that people have lower levels of stress and an increase in happiness when quality time for couples increases. Happy marriages then have to have a regular platform to express feelings, desires, and concerns, contributing significantly to keeping the love alive and thriving. 

Who knew a regular weekly marriage meeting would be cause for top praise from The Gottmans?

• Weekly Relationship Check-In Questions Sound An Awful Lot Like Therapy Homework?

  Well, actually, you wouldn't be wrong; the history of therapists assigning homework, or therapeutic homework assignments, dates back to the advent of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) in the mid-20th century. Dr. Aaron T. Beck, often referred to as the father of CBT, pioneered this approach as a way to extend the therapeutic process beyond the confines of the therapy session and into the client's daily life.

  In recent years, the use of therapeutic homework assignments has been further popularized by the rise of digital and online or distant therapies. These platforms often incorporate homework assignments into their treatment protocols, enabling clients to engage actively with therapeutic principles and practices in a self-directed manner.

  Regardless of the specific therapy modality, the overall goal of therapeutic homework remains the same: a great way to help clients transfer the skills and insights gained in therapy to their everyday lives and the relationship thereby promoting more sustainable and lasting change.

  As a relationship therapist in private practice, I often give a homework assignment to clients, especially a married couple as a way to continue the work outside of the session and take into everyday life. 

• Want To Know My Top Couples Therapy Exercise?

  I've been working with couples and families as a family therapist for nearly a decade in my private practice and over that time, I have been perfecting a deceptively simple activity that I now assign to every couple that comes in. It packs a powerful punch by lending a helping hand to communication, expression of gratitude, accountability and more - watch the video here:

  If you are looking for the ultimate in Relationship Check In Questions, I would highly suggest you consider investing in 'The Check-In Check-List Activity.' This is a digital product available to you, that I've refined over years of working in private practice. It is a well-structured worksheet that guides couples through ten thought-provoking questions. The Check-In Check-List Activity encourages direct communication of needs, promotes feedback, and fosters accountability. Its strategic sequence cultivates integrity, trust, and of course, gratitude, the three pillars of a healthy relationship.

  Encouraging couples to write their responses down provides a tangible reminder of commitments made, making it a valuable tool in maintaining open and honest communication within a relationship. The Activity is more than just a worksheet – it's a long-term investment in relationship growth and resilience.

  More About The My People Patterns Relationship Activity

  The Check-In Check-List is an innovative activity that specifically targets communication issues between couples. Communication is the backbone of any relationship and often, issues arise when communication breaks down. The activity acts as a tool to help mend these breakdowns and restore open lines of communication.

  This activity encourages couples to routinely engage in a brief conversation and connection with each other. This process promotes open, honest, and non-judgmental communication about each person's feelings, needs, and experiences. The activity provides a framework for how these check-ins should be conducted to avoid misunderstandings or conflict escalation. In the process of using the check-in list, couples gradually learn more effective communication strategies. They learn to listen to each other more attentively, to express their thoughts and feelings more clearly, and to respond to each other more empathetically.

  What makes our activity particularly useful is its structure. It guides couples through communication, providing specific prompts and questions to address all relevant topics. This structure helps to minimize the chance of miscommunication or misunderstanding. The activity serves as a mediator, encouraging couples to address potential issues before they escalate. By doing so, it fosters better understanding, builds trust, and reinforces the bond between partners, making it an invaluable tool in addressing communication issues in relationships.

  Transforming the activity into a regular ritual can have profound effects on a relationship. A ritual is more than just a habit. It's a meaningful practice that holds symbolic value, fostering connection, stability, and a shared identity. When couples create a ritual around open and honest communication—like with the Check-In Check-List—it instills a sense of predictability and security within their relationship.

  The activity is a potent resource designed to help couples deepen their connection, communication, and understanding. This worksheet, refined over years of use in private practice, prompts couples to express gratitude, provide feedback, and communicate their needs in a structured and thoughtful manner. This provides a safe space for couples to engage in meaningful and productive conversation that strengthens their bond.

  One of the key benefits any variation of this activity is its focus on gratitude, a powerful tool from Positive Psychology. Gratitude, as discussed earlier, has been scientifically proven to enhance relationships, fostering a sense of connection and appreciation. This activity encourages couples to acknowledge and appreciate their partner's actions, which enhances their overall satisfaction in the relationship.

  It also provides a platform for couples to express their needs and desires directly and constructively. Instead of leaving room for assumptions or misinterpretations, it fosters a culture of open communication where both partners feel seen and heard. This encourages an environment of mutual understanding and respect.

  Our activity promotes accountability within the relationship. By writing down and sharing these notes, couples have a tangible reminder of their commitments to each other. This enhances reliability and trust in the relationship, setting a positive tone for the relationship's future. In addition, this ritual of regular check-ins serves as a valuable routine, reinforcing the bond between partners and making their connection stronger over time.

    

Themes & Questions In Any Relationship Check In List

Any activity like this typically addresses several key areas pertinent to the health and growth of a relationship. Here's a brief summary of the types of activities or themes that are sometimes included:

Emotional Contact: This allows each partner in a relationship to express their feelings and emotions about various aspects of their relationship and life in general. It encourages emotional honesty and understanding, and helps you feel close. If you need help with the feelings part, grab our free Feelings Wheel 

Gratitude Sharing: Each partner shares something they are grateful for about the other person or the relationship, fostering positivity and mutual appreciation.

Future Planning: This may involve discussions about personal goals, relationship goals, or other future-oriented topics, helping to ensure both partners are moving together in the same direction.

Quality Time: This activity itself can be considered quality time, but this section encourages self-reflection and that partners plan for other shared experiences,

Affirmation and Support: This section encourages partners or spouse to reaffirm their commitment to each other and offer support for any challenges the other might be facing.

How Can I Make Our Relationship Better with a Check-In?

Building and nurturing a healthy relationship takes effort and commitment from both partners, if you've ever been in a long-distance relationship, you'll know this to be true.. If you're looking to improve your relationship or marriage, here are some steps you can take that can be addressed with monthly or weekly meetings.

1. Open and honest communication: Effective communication is vital in any relationship, and most relationship issues are a result of poor communication. Make an effort to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and listen actively to your partner. Avoid criticizing, blaming, or being defensive, and instead, focus on understanding and finding solutions together.

2. Quality time together: Spend quality time with your partner regularly. This can involve going on dates, engaging in shared hobbies or interests, or simply having meaningful conversations. A successful relationship means making sure to prioritize this regular time and be fully present without distractions

3. Appreciation and gratitude: Show appreciation for your partner's efforts, kindness, and qualities. Express gratitude for the things they do, even the small gestures. This helps create a positive and supportive atmosphere in your relationship.

4. Trust and respect: Trust and respect are the foundation of a healthy relationship. Be reliable, keep your promises, and be honest with each other. Respecting each other's boundaries, opinions, and personal space is also crucial.

5. Conflict resolution: Conflicts are inevitable, but it's how you handle them that matters. Instead of avoiding or escalating conflicts, aim for constructive resolution. Practice active listening, compromise, and find win-win solutions. Seek professional help, such as couples therapy, if needed.

 To find out more about our activity, click here

Of course you don't need to buy a thing from this website - take these top ten tips as you first step to making your own state of the union meetings. The truth is that relationship check ins are one of the easiest ways to get your relationship headed towards a healthy marriage / partnership and you can use the prompts below as a great place to start. Worst-case scenario, you can come back to My People Patterns and check out our tried and tested method. 

Relationship Check-In Tip #1 Keep It Regular

While the hustle and bustle of life can be overwhelming, it's essential to keep a check-in meeting or a marriage meeting consistent, be it weekly or monthly. The objective is to create a dedicated time to communicate about your relationship's highs and lows, expressing gratitude and finding ways to support each other better.

Relationship Check-In Tip #2 Breaking the Ice: Appreciation is Key

Expressing gratitude forms an ideal start to your marriage check-ups. As conversation starters go, it's simple gesture of pointing out something you appreciate about your partner can foster warmth and positivity, laying the groundwork for an honest and open discussion and makes it easier to have more difficult conversations.

Relationship Check-In Tip #3 Acknowledgments: Fuel For Emotional Connection

The practice of acknowledging each other's efforts often gets overlooked. Let your partner know that their actions, big or small, do not go unnoticed. It could be as simple as appreciating them for taking care of household chores or their efforts in balancing work and family.

Relationship Check-In Tip#4 What Do You Need From Me? The Art Of Support

The practice of acknowledging each other's efforts from the previous week often gets overlooked. Let your partner know that their actions, whether a big deal or small act, do not go unnoticed. It could be as simple as appreciating them for taking care of household chores or the important stuff like their efforts in balancing work and family. Expressing gratitude can be a foundation for a stronger relationship.To find out more about our activity template, List, click here

Relationship Check-In Tip #5 Checking In On Past Week: Moments Of Connection And Disconnect

Taking time to reflect on the past week can reveal key insights. Discuss moments when you felt disconnected or hurt. This process is not about blaming but rather understanding each other's perspectives.

Relationship Check In Tip #6 Revisiting Moments Of Love

Just as you explore the difficult moments, don't forget to recall times when you felt particularly loved and respected by your partner. Understanding what actions or words instill a sense of love can strengthen your bond.

Relationship Check-In Tip #7 The Unspoken Truths: Revealing What's Keeping You Up At Night

While it can be daunting to share certain thoughts that might hurt or disappoint your partner, honesty plays a crucial role in nurturing an intimate and transparent relationship. Your relationship check-in can serve as a safe space for sharing these hidden thoughts.

Relationship Check-In Tip #8 Making Love Better: Discussing Intimate Desires

A healthy relationship doesn't shy away from discussing sexual desires and your sex life. Identify what works for both of you in the bedroom, and what doesn't to enrich your physical intimacy as well as your emotional intimacy. 

Relationship CheckIn Tip #9 The Joy Of Shared Activities

Discussing shared activities for the upcoming week can enhance your connection. This conversation is not only about planning but also about showing your eagerness to spend time together, it takes two people to work on relationship satisfaction.

Relationship Check-In Tip #10 Upcoming Week: Expectations And Needs

Finally, ask each other about specific actions that can make the other person feel more loved, respected, or supported in the upcoming week. Balancing 'alone time' and 'together time' is also an essential part of this discussion.

Relationship check-ins act as a pathway to enhance understanding, celebrate wins, resolve conflicts, and deepen your bond or reconnect with your partner. Cultivating this practice of open and honest communication can truly be a game-changer in achieving a lasting relationship.

FAQs

Why are regular relationship check-ins important?

Regular check-ins help maintain an open line of communication, addressing concerns before they become significant issues.

How should I start a relationship check-in?

Begin by expressing appreciation for your partner. This sets a positive tone for the rest of the conversation. In our Check-In Check-List Activity it's the first question, and our template helps build gratitude from the start. If you find something to be grateful for about your partner every day, it will literally rewire your brain! There's studies about it!

How can I make my partner feel more loved during the upcoming week?

Ask your partner directly. Their answer could range from more quality time together to help with specific tasks; whatever they say is an opportunity to learn more about what they need.

Is it necessary to discuss sex and sexual desires during relationship check-ins?

Yes, discussing sexual desires can help improve your physical intimacy and understanding of each other's likes, dislikes, and expectations.

Learn more about conflict, family systems and growing great relationships

My People Patterns shares the best tools, techniques and knowledge from a family systems perspective - all aimed at helping you grow great relationships. Hit subscribe to learn more about our S.O.F.T approach to healthy connections. If you want to know more about me, I'm a mental health professional and Couples Therapist In Los Angeles and love helping people have their best relationship.