Communication Styles Quiz: The Ultimate Relationship Compatibility Test?

No matter what type of relationship you’re thinking about, you’ll want to know about this compatibility test and the four communication styles in relationships that I’m going to focus on. 

If you want to skip the reading process and jump right to the free personality quiz, you can find it right here. Be sure to share results on social media and help us get this to more people

Take our Free Relationship Communication Styles Quiz here.

My name’s Oliver, and I’m a couples and family therapist here in Los Angeles. I love helping people grow great relationships. The longer I do therapy, the more I realize that great relationships come from working on our communication skills. A huge amount of what I do in couples therapy is to help people communicate, like how to talk about their unmet needs or to develop emotional literacy to improve emotional intimacy.

Instead of learning how to use ‘I’ statements in high school, we’re taught advanced trigonometry. And while it would be much more helpful for us to understand the effects of relationship anxiety, we’re stuck learning organic chemistry. So, while there are some skills to learn as adults, we also have our own tendencies or styles of communication to understand. I love a compatibility quiz like this that tell us what we or our patterns are like. This one is about the patterns or tendencies in our communication style. When we know our tendencies, we can be more aware of what we need to work on, and that’s what I’m going to help you understand if you stick around.

Three Benefits Of Understanding The Four Communication Styles

Improved Relationship Communication

One of the key points I make to couples in my private practice is that understanding communication styles will likely improve compatibility issues in your relationships, especially those related to communicating with each other. When you recognize your partner's communication tendencies, you can tailor your interactions to meet their needs more effectively. This will reduce misunderstandings and foster a deeper connection, making both of you feel heard and respected.

Enhanced Conflict Resolution:

When you identify and understand communication styles, it can impact and lower how often you're in conflict and improve conflict resolution. Knowing your communication style and those of your partner allows each of you to approach disagreements in a healther way, to address issues more constructively. Passive communicators can identify where they need to focus their efforts in communicating, and more direct communicators will understand how their partners need to receive information. Instead of escalating conflicts, you will be able to navigate them with ease, reducing tension and finding amicable solutions.

Increased Emotional Intimacy:

Taking our communication styles quiz helps you to identify where and how to focus on your emotional language, which can help boost your emotional intimacy in relationships. When you know how to express your thoughts and feelings in ways that resonate with your partner, you will create a more emotionally fulfilling connection. By encouraging a reserved partner to share more and creating a supportive environment, you will strengthen your emotional bond, or perhaps a more aggressive communicator can learn to modify their behavior or respond with more listening instead of reacting.

The Communication Styles in Relationships

When you take the free communication styles quiz, you'll be assigned one of four types of communication styles in your results. The four archetypes are the Lion, the Panda, the Deer, and the Owl. They are directly related to communication style, but also incorporate some common associated personality traits.

If it’s getting a bit too woo-woo with animals for you, don’t worry; it’s grounded in some very level-headed thinking and theory.

If you don’t like the animals, don’t worry; I’ve got you covered—we can go with characters from Friends, Guardians of the Galaxy, or sports. I’m inclusive like that.

Our free communication styles define the ways individuals give and receive information, as well as how they interact with others. Understanding one’s own communication style and its impact on personal interactions is crucial to understanding your personality and your interactions with others. 

Effective communication is crucial in conveying thoughts and needs clearly while respecting others' feelings. Assertive communication, in particular, promotes open dialogue and reduces conflicts, leading to healthier interactions.

This starts with thinking about what communication is. You can do that on any number of different categories, but this one I’ve found seems to be the most appropriate for couples and single people I work with. It’s based on how openly someone expresses their thoughts and emotions and how directly they communicate their intentions and desires.

Our Relationship Communication Styles Quiz

To help you try and make sure you better understand your communication style, we have created a free quiz you can find here. You just answer questions, there's 12 or so, and quiz will provide insights into your dominant communication style and offer tips on how to improve your interactions with others specifically by asking questions that determine where abouts on the two scales of openness and directness we discuss below.

The Scales of Communication: Open vs Reserved

The first scale to determine your style of communicating is to place your self on a scale of how Open or Reserved you tend to be. About a third of the questions in the communications styles quiz are sure to relate to this scale specifically. 

A reserved person takes more time to open up and share personal feelings and experiences. If you’re just meeting them, they are likely to hold back on disclosing anything that might reveal too much of their inner nature. They might be that colleague who never really talks much because they prefer to maintain a certain distance in professional relationships. You can spot them at a party because they are more likely to stand further back from other people when talking and maintain more physical and emotional boundaries. They take their time to warm up until they feel secure. They might be more inclined to give you the silent treatment rather than speak up if there's drama in the office or among colleagues.

In contrast, someone who is very open will readily express emotions, thoughts, and feelings without holding back. If they just meet you, they will be quite open with you, sharing details that a reserved person wouldn’t dream of. At work, they will want to know you and establish a friendly relationship with you before they get down to business. At a party, they are lively and talkative, using a lot of eye contact and expressive gestures to communicate.

Assertive communicators are individuals who are clear, direct, and respectful in expressing their thoughts and needs.

Part one of the test is this: where on this spectrum do you think you lie? Are you more open or more reserved? And if you’ve got a partner, what about them?

The second scale measures how Direct or Indirect you are, and our communication quiz will help you determine whether your communication patterns are more prone to indirect communication or more direct.

Direct Communication Vs Passive Communication Style

The second scale to determine your style of communicating is to place your self on a scale of how Direct or Open you tend to be when communicating. Another third of the questions in our communications quiz are aimed at finding out how sure you are about your directness.

A direct person will interact with a more assertive or aggressive communication style; they are more straightforward in their communication and potentially not so sensitive or who the other person might receive information. They express what they want clearly and are not afraid to take the lead in planning dates or initiating interactions.

Sometimes they are more fast-paced and when combined with a more assertive communication style, they are often labeled or call themselves “Type A.” They might be a bit more competitive and controlling and tend to take the lead or show more initiative in interactions. They might also be less afraid to take risks and might be focussed more on speaking in terms of results or success measures. They can be quite loud or at least emphatic in discussions, and they like the spotlight. In a disagreement, they will likely take longer to back down, which can create difficulties because they tend to have some inflexibility or rigidity in their convictions.

Indirect individuals tend to have more passive communication skills, they avoid risks and prefer safe, predictable outcomes. They steer clear of actions that might lead to confrontation or failure, which makes them a bit indirect in the way they communicate. They are less likely to start an argument or express strong opinions directly. Instead, they may hint at their thoughts or use more subtle forms of communication and hope you get the context or the undercurrent of what they’re saying. They might avoid being the center of attention and prefer to let others lead conversations. They may wait for others to approach them rather than taking the initiative themselves. In disagreements or negotiations, they aim to maintain harmony and avoid arguments with more passive communication.

For them, communication might look like a passive-aggressive communicator who hides their true feelings and frustrations behind a facade of harmony. This often results in miscommunication and manipulation. Addressing and transforming this behavior is crucial to fostering open dialogue and preventing passive-aggressive patterns within teams.

If you or your partner want to know what communication styles you or your partner have, you can take the short quiz I created based on this information. We’ll email you the results and a packet of information about these four styles of communication.

What Are The Four Types Of Communication Styles?

There are four types of communication styles: The Panda: open and direct; The Deer: open and indirect; The Lion: reserved and direct; and The Owl: reserved and indirect. These are determined by identifying how open or reserved you are, and how direct or indirect you are.

Panda - The Charmer

Someone who is Direct and Open has a communication style we call The Charmer or the Panda. People who get this answer are lively, enthusiastic, and love to build relationships quickly. They are fun and playful and thrive on social interactions and chatty conversation. Their engaging personality makes them the life of the party, and they can easily make others feel comfortable and valued. Who doesn’t love adorable, playful little Pandas? It can be a more aggressive communication style which is due to their directness, but it's usually never meant to be mean or hurtful.

Lion - The Leader

Someone who gets the answer of the Lion is direct and reserved. They have a more aggressive communication style, are assertive, results-oriented, and often take charge in a relationship.

They get to the point with their words, and because they are more reserved, it may appear to others that they have less concern for emotional nuances or as hard to read. This may be true, but we might be assuming that because they don’t talk about themselves vulnerably. They may be seen as aggressive communicators which could also be true, but might also be a perception based on how direct they are.

Deer- The Nurturer

If you get the answer from the quiz as the Deer, you are likely someone who has an Indirect and open communication style. These types of communicators value deep connections and emotional connections. They are often exceptionally supportive, cooperative, attentive, and expressive. They go a little slower because they’re cautious, but they want to connect. You can spot them at work because they have photos of friends and family all over their desks.

This is a more passive communication style and is characterized by individuals who are reserved but more likely to express their feelings openly using emotional language. They thrive on close and intimate personal relationships and are devoted friends. This style can lead to unmet needs, particularly in emotionally charged situations, and contrasts with more assertive communication styles that may cause frustration in interactions.

Owl- The Deep Thinker

Someone who is Indirect and Reserved goes at a slower pace and holds back on sharing. They have a communication style we call The Owl or The Analytical Thinker. They are more analytical communicators, which means they can appear to be a bit aloof, but usually they’re usually thinking a lot in their silence.

One key point we often overlook is that our communication styles define not only how we connect but also how we are seen by others. Taking the communication style quiz can be a revelation at best, and at worst, it provides more information on how we interact, the message we send others, and more detail in our self-development process.

Before You Take The Communication Style Quiz

Communication skills are a vital element of any interpersonal relationship, and at the same time, our communication styles define how others see us, but it's also not the be-all and end-all of relationship compatibility.

Remember, this is only looking at communication; we can’t summarize a whole complex individual by how open or direct they are. There’s much more to a human being than these two axes, so take all of this with a pinch of salt because humans are a bit more complicated. Nevertheless, there’s a lot of value in thinking about things like this. Let’s look at the worst-case scenarios, and I think you’ll see that relationships can still work no matter what the communication style is, but some combinations can create more challenges.

When considering communication types, it's important to gather essential ideas and understand the key points that can enhance your communication style.

In general, you can think about diagonally opposite pairings being the most challenging of combinations in personal relationships. A direct person prefers clear, concise, and straightforward interactions, often valuing efficiency and results. If they are with an indirect communicator, the styles of communicating are opposite. This fundamental difference can cause the more direct communicator to perceive the indirect communicator as evasive or indecisive, while the indirect communicator may see the direct style as overly aggressive or insensitive.

Communication Styles in Business Relationships

Understanding communication styles is not just limited to improving conversation patterns in personal relationships.

In business, relationships are crucial for fostering a healthy and productive work environment. Recognizing different communication patterns helps prevent communication breakdowns and enhances overall communication dynamics and even customer experience.

Analytical communicators s, for example, prefer data-driven discussions and clear, concise information. By identifying and adapting to such preferred communication styles, you can ensure more hepful communication and collaboration among team members, leading to improved employee experience and job satisfaction.

Assertive communication skills, coupled with keen observation of nonverbal communication, can help leaders navigate challenging interactions and maintain a healthy relationship with coworkers. This awareness allows you to address potential conflicts proactively and create a more harmonious workplace.

Effective communication in leadership is essential for management, team and overall customer experience. Leaders who understand the communication with coworkers and communication with customer, are more likely to improve engagement and productivity.

Understanding communication styles in business relationships is crucial for fostering a healthy and productive work environment. Recognizing different communication patterns helps prevent communication breakdowns and enhances overall communication dynamics. You'll find that analytical communicators, for example, prefer data.

By fostering an environment that values and respects different communication types, you can minimize misunderstandings and promote a culture of inclusivity and cooperation. This approach not only boosts team morale but also drives better business outcomes, ensuring long-term success for the organization.

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